Come Back to Me
by sothernqt
Summary: Harm receives some papers that could change his life forever. This is my first fanfic , and it is Harm and Mac..COMPLETE...I know I said a sequel, but I lost the part I wrote, so there might be one, but don't count on it. Sorry!
1. Default Chapter

A/n – this is my first story to put on here, so if it is a little ruff that is why. I am in High school, so I can't guarantee that I will update very frequently. Since this is my first story any helpful advice would be very much appreciated. Hope you enjoy this story!

all thoughts are in hyphens

Summery- Harm must go away, but will he come back?

Chapter One

Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. sat and stared at the papers in his hands.' How can this be happening? Well I understand how, but why now?' he thought. He laid the papers on his desk and slumped into his large leather chair. Harm sighed and closed his eyes. 'One week, in one week I will.....no, I can't think like that. Not now.' There was a light knock on his door, which brought him out of his thoughts.

"Enter." he called.

The door opened slowly and in stepped Petty Officer Jennifer Coates." Sir Mattie just called and she wants to know if she and I can go to the movies tonight. There is a new Orlando Bloom movie out and she really wants to go see it." Jen smiled as Harm gave a light chuckle. He knew the reason that Mattie wanted to go was to watch Orlando Bloom, not the movie. What could he say; she was your typical teenage girl.

"Sure Jen, go right ahead."

"Thank you sir." and with that she left, and Harm was again alone with his thoughts.

'Mattie! How do I tell Mattie? She will be devastated. What about Mac? How can I break it to her? We are just starting to get back to where we used to be, and now this.' Harm sat as worries and things he had to do. He knew he had to tell Mac and soon. He couldn't put this off, that much he knew, just how to tell her was the main question. Then a thought occurred to him Mattie and Jen would be out that night at the movies, so that meant that he could invite Mac over for dinner and tell her then. Yes, that was his plan. Now that he had decided what he would do he got up out of his chair and casually walked over to her office. Noticing that the blinds were closed he tapped lightly on her door.

"Enter" she bellowed.

From her tone Harm could tell she was not in a good mood. 'Maybe I should come back later?' he thought. ' No. You can't keep running away. Now march in there and do what you came to do!' he reassured himself and opened the door. Mac was sitting at her desk rummaging through some papers. Harm couldn't resist and he began to chuckle softly. That got Mac's attention and she looked up at him with frustration written all over her face.

"What?" she asked angrily

He smiled "You always did have the most organized desk."

She smirked know he was trying to be funny. "Did you come in here just to push my buttons or did you need something Commander?" She emphasized Commander, so that he would understand that joking time was over, well for right now anyway.

He got serious and walked closer to her desk. "Actually I had a question to ask you." she nodded for him to continue. "Well, Mattie and Jen are going out tonight and I was wondering if you would like to come over for dinner. You know like old times." He smiled warmly and sat down in one of the chairs across from her desk awaiting her reply.

"Harm, I can't I have a date with Webb. Maybe another night?" she smiled apologetically. She really did have a date and was somewhat glad, because even though Harm and her relationship had improved she was still scared to get to close and being alone to eat dinner together like they used to be too close.

Harm was saddened, but nodded and began to leave when he stopped at the door. 'What are you doing? She has to come, you have to tell her!' He turned around to face her "Cancel"

"What?" she looked up confused.

"Cancel your date." he said nonchalantly.

"Why should I cancel my date with someone I hardly see, just so I can have dinner with someone that I can have dinner with anytime I want?" She did not understand his logic.

"Because I need you to Sarah." he looked at her with pleading eyes.

'Oh, look at those eyes; they could melt anyone's heart. He also called me Sarah. It must be really important to him if he called me Sarah.' she sighed. "Okay. What time?"

A/N – well this is the end of the first chapter. Please tell me if you like it or if you think you might. I know this is short, but I am still trying to figure out how to separate it into chapters. Just so you know, incase you can't already tell, this is an H&M story all the way. Please review. Thanks:)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N- Thanks for all of the reviews they are greatly appreciated. Here is the second chapter hope you enjoy.

Chapter 2

-Harm's apartment- 1800

Harm was placing the lasagna on the table when he heard a knock on the door. He looked at his watch "Right on time Mac." He opened the door and let her in. She took off her coat and he couldn't help but stare. She was so beautiful. Mac was wearing a black skirt that went to a little above her knees with a split on both sides. A hunter green sweater and black knee boots. "You look great." he said.

She smiled and turned around so he could get the full effect. She stopped in front of him and smiled. "Thank you. It's a new outfit. Chloe got it for me; she said I needed an outfit for when I go out." Mac laughed, "I guess I am not cool enough for her." She smiled. Harm walked forward and toughed her small dimples. It was such a simple gesture, but filled with love and compassion. Mac couldn't quite understand why he was being so gentle. "What?" she asked kindly.

He took his hand away and smiled warmly. "It's just good to see you smile, that's all. How about we go get some dinner?"

"Come on Harm. Do you even need to ask?" At that they both laughed.

They had a lovely dinner of good food and small talk, nothing heavy. Harm had still not told her about the papers, he just couldn't bring himself to break the mood. Mac had noticed how uneasy he had been, and she was not going to leave until he told her why. After dinner they sat in his living room and drank some coffee. "Harm."

"Yeah."

'Here goes.' she thought. "Why am I here exactly?"

"What do you mean?" He was not confused he just decided to play dumb.

"You know what I mean. Why did you invite me to dinner? Why did you insist I cancel my plans?" she turned sideways so she was facing him.

He was cornered, there was no escaping it now. "I .....I ...." he couldn't do it, but he had to.

He took a deep breath "I need to tell you something." he looked into her beautiful caramel eyes and continued. "I got some papers the other day." again he sighed, this was so hard. "Mac I am being deployed to Iraq. They are activating my flight status."

"What?" She couldn't believe her own ears. What she said next was in a fit of rage. "How could you?" she stood up set her cup down and went for her coat. He grabbed her arm.

"Mac, please don't leave we need to talk."

She turned and glared at him. "I am not the one leaving Harm, you are, which is something you promised you would never do. You promised you would never leave me and you are." The marine inside of her was telling her to keep her emotions bottled up, yet the women inside was telling her to let it out. They were fighting a hard battle, but in the end the women overcame her as a small tear trickled down her cheek.

"I am not leaving you Sarah. Not permanently." he couldn't see why she didn't understand. This was not his choice, she of all people should understand.

"Yeah, well have you noticed that every time you go away you get closer and closer to death? Now I could loose you forever!" she wiped her cheek and regained composure. "I have to go. Be safe Harm." and with that she was gone.

Harm stood shocked and hurt, while Mac stood sobbing in the elevator. He loved her; he didn't want to leave her. She loved him, and couldn't bear to see him go. They were at a crossroad. Would they go in separate directions like they usually did, or would they finally take the same path?

A/N- here you go part two. I hope you like the direction I am going. If not, I am sorry. Don't worry there are some very shippery things coming up along with some sad stuff , so I hope you stick around to see it all.:)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N- this is something I have to say...I wrote this story to please me and I hope it pleases you as well...some of you may not like the way I take it and that is ok....plus it is a shippery story....in my humble opinion....but it may not be to you.....this is just so I don't get anyone's hopes up.

-JAG HQ- 1200

It had been three days since Harm had talked to Mac, since then he had talked to Mattie, who was extremely upset and hurt, but at least she hadn't run away from him. He tried to talk to Mac, but she refused to speak with him. He only had four days to settle everything. Mattie would be staying with Jen and they would help to look in on his apartment. He carried a box of his stuff to his car. The longest he would be deployed would be a year at the max and then he would have a break, and possibly go back after that. Harm began to think about how much he truly loved Mac, and how he would have given anything to not go, but unfortunately he had no say in the matter. His country needed him and he would serve it with pride.

-1700-

Harm had decided to try once more to settle things between him and Mac; he just couldn't go away with all of the hostility still between them. She was on her way out to her car when he grabbed her arm. She turned and looked at him with no emotion in her dark brown eyes.

"Mac, I know you are feeling hurt, angry, betrayed, everything." he took a deep breath. "Listen, all I wanted to ask was if you wanted to have dinner Friday night? It's my last night in town. It would be just you and me, no one else." he stared hopefully in her eyes.

Oh how she wanted to say yes to him, but she just couldn't. She couldn't say goodbye to him again it would kill her. "No Harm. I can't say goodbye to you again." She was determined to stay in control of her emotions this time; he had already seen her loose it because of him. He wouldn't see it again. When she was emotional she was vulnerable and it always seemed like people would always come by and kick her when she was down.

He gently touched her shoulder "Not to say goodbye. We can just have dinner like 'old times' like we meant to the other night."

Old times, how much she missed those "old times". The quiet dinners, harmless banter, just being friends. She decided that she should go, because what if it really did end up becoming her goodbye to him. "Okay, where?"

He smiled "John Louie. I'll pick you up at 1900." he leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and then ran to his car before she could say something.

Mac stood there in shock. 'What just happened?' she thought. It began to rain, which broke her out of her trance and she climbed into her car and drove home.

-John Louie- 1930

Harm and Mac were escorted to a table in a very quiet corner of the restaurant. After Harm helped Mac with her chair he sat himself. He just stared at her. 'She's so beautiful. Well tell her you idiot!' he began to tell himself. "Sarah, you look wonderful tonight."

Mac blushed, not at the compliment, but at the sound of her name from him. He always managed to say it so sweetly and lovingly. "Thank you."

They sat and ate dinner just chatting about this and that, nothing serious. They were having a wonderful time just being old friends, nothing else. There was a dance floor and a few couples were dancing. Harm got up and went over to the D.J. and requested a song. He walked back over to the table and stuck out his hand to Mac.

"Will you dance with me?" he looked lovingly in her eyes. She smiled and gave him her hand. They walked onto the dance floor.

"Ladies and gentlemen we have a request for a song." the music began to fill the room. "This song goes out to a Miss Sarah Mackenzie." Mac looked up at Harm.

"Sarah, I never quite knew how to tell you this so I heard the song, and knew it was perfect. Just listen."

_You used to say, you wanted someone to know you inside out._

_As I look back on things, well congratulations baby,_

_Somebody knows you now._

_All of this time you wished that you could figure yourself out._

_You say you're still a mystery, well no, not really, not to me._

_Somebody knows you now._

_I got a hundred bucks that says your hairs up in a clip._

_Your socks don't quite match and your biting you lip._

_I can finish your thoughts, and pick the right restaurants,_

_Even order for you before you sit down._

_Yeah, somebody knows you now._

_So no matter where your path leads,_

_Remember me somehow._

_And feel a little warm inside, knowing that somewhere tonight,_

_Somebody knows you now._

_Baby all you mystery,_

_Like me and you is history,_

_Cause somebody knows you now._

The music faded away and Mac looked up into Harm's face with tears on her cheeks. He quickly wiped them away. "Mac..."

"Don't call me that. Not now."

"Sarah," she smiled "all I wanted to say is that I care about you, and will always be here for you."

She placed her hand on his face. "I know." she whispered. "Come on Commander we better get you home. You have a have a train and a plane to catch tomorrow." she smiled sadly.

-Mac's apartment-

They had driven in silence to her apartment. She unlocked the door and turned to face him. "I guess this is goodbye." she said with sadness etched in her face.

"Aren't you coming to the train station?" he asked in a hurt tone.

"No, I don't think I can. Goodbye Harm. Be safe." With that she went in and shut the door. She slid down the door and began to sob. He stood in shock. This was yet another wrong parting between them. He walked solemnly out to his car. He just hoped she found the note that he had slipped into her coat pocket, before he left.

Mac sat and cried for a while finally she decided she wanted some tea. She stood and went to wash her face, hoping that maybe as she washed she could wash away the sadness as well.

A/N- the song is sung by Brad Paisley and it is on the cd Mud on the Tires...please review...and hope you enjoyed


	4. Chapter 4

A/N-Hey I decided to try and post this one soon since yall said that you really wanted to know what was in that note. I guess I will be nice, just this once. (Evil laugh)...btw....the song in the last one was Somebody Knows You Now...by Brad Paisley

-Mac's apartment-0800

Mac walked into her living room and sat down on the couch. It was raining hard outside, and she sat there feeling just like the weather. She saw her coat lying on the floor, so she walked over and picked it up. When she did a small white envelope fell out. She hung the coat up and picked up the envelope. On the front it had Mac written on it, and she could tell that it had been written by a man. She opened it and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She sat on the couch and began to read.

_Dearest Sarah,_

_I know that you don't want me to leave, and I don't want to either, but I have to._

_Sarah, we have been through a lot together and I know that we can make it through this._

_Sarah I have wanted to tell you this for quite some time now, but have never had the courage._

_Sarah, I love you. I love you with all of my heart! I wanted you to know this before I_

_left, just incase I don't make it back to you._

_With all of my love,_

_Harm_

Mac stood quickly grabbed her coat and ran to her car. She had to tell him, before he left. He had to know.

A/N- I know this is short and I am sorry, but I have to go to school will try to update soon ....hope you liked it ....please review.


	5. Saying Goodbye

A/N- sorry about the short chapter...btw it is fixin to get a little sad....just to warn you, but please stick with me.

-Union station- Washington D.C.-0929

Harm sat patiently waiting on his train. There were many other men in uniform waiting on the same train. Most had family, girlfriend, and friends to see them off. Harm's mind began to wander to Mac. He truly loved her, if only he had told her earlier.

"Train number 217 is now here, number 217 is now here." said the voice over the intercom

Harm looked at his ticket "Yep that's me." He looked around once more checking to make sure he hadn't missed Mac. Sadly he turned around. 'She not here. Maybe she didn't get the letter? Maybe she got it she just doesn't feel the same way?' he began to ponder this as he walked in the direction of his train.

Mac ran into the station looking everywhere, trying to find him, praying that he hadn't left yet. She spotted him and her heart rose. "Harm!" she yelled across the station. Just about everyone including Harm stopped, turned around and looked at her. Their eyes met and locked. In their eyes was hope, love, passion, and most of all fear. She smiled happily and he just looked at her waiting for her to say something. Everyone had stopped and watched the young couple have a silent conversation. 'Here goes.' Mac thought 'It's now or never.' She took a deep breath. "I love you." she mouthed. He looked at her lovingly and smiled softly. Harm set his bag down and held his arms open. She smiled and ran towards him, like a child running to her father. He swept her up in his arms kissed her and then swung her around as she laughed like a giddy school girl. Harm set her down gently and saw that there was a steady flow of tears falling down her face. He gently placed his hand on her face and wiped them away. "I love you." she whispered.

"I know." he said softly. He inhaled deeply and took in her scent of lavender and rose water. God, he was going to miss her. More tears began to fall and this time it was not just her. "Shhh. Don't cry Sarah." He caressed her cheek.

"How can I not?" she choked back a sob. "The only man I have ever loved is leaving me." she took a deep breath. "And he might not come back." She couldn't hold back the sobs any longer and so they came. He pulled her to him and gently rubbed her back.

"I'll come back Sarah. I promise"

She looked up into his beautiful green eyes and found reassurance. "Last call for train number 217." said the announcer.

"That's me."

Mac mustered all the courage she had, reached down and picked up his sea bag and handed it to him. "Go." she said quietly, but forcefully.

"Mac I love you, and if...."

She placed a hard kiss on his lips. He began to deepen it, but she broke it off and stared at him. "Please go, before I can't let you."

He nodded and reluctantly began to walk away when he stopped and turned to look at her.

"I'll be right here. Waiting for you. No matter how long it takes for you to come back to me." Mac said as though she was reassuring a child that there were no monsters under the bed and that she would stay with them until they went to sleep. She smiled gently and wiped away a tear. "Now go protect your country Commander." with that she snapped to attention and gave him the sharpest salute she had. With tears in his eyes he saluted mouthed 'I love you' and ran to board his train.

Mac turned around and headed out to her car. Once she was inside it she broke down in tears. Then she did something she hadn't done in a long time, pray. "Dear God, if you really do exist like people say you do, and if you really do protect people, please protect him. He is all I have left. Please let him come back to me. Please." she sobbed. Would he come home safely, or would the war capture him just like it captured his father?

-JAG HQ-1230-1 month later

It had been a month since Harm had left. He and Mac would e-mail each other every day and would try to call as much as possible. She missed him terribly, but knew that he would come home to her. He promised he would, and he never broke a promise. She sat at her desk and ate her lunch while she checked her e-mail. She looked in her inbox and saw that there was nothing from Harm. 'Maybe he is busy?' she thought. It really didn't bother her that much, it only she knew.

-Irac-1 day before

"Alright men, let's fly!" Harm said as he hopped into his plane. He and his men took off and were flying their mission when all of a sudden there was ammo flying at them.

"Batman 1 I have been hit! I repeat I have been hit." shouted Marty.

"Gotcha batman 3. I'm on my way.' Harm maneuvered his plane, so he could see his friend. "Okay Batman 3. Go home we can take it from here." Harm commanded.

"Eye, eye. Batman 1. Going home." with that Marty turned his plane around and headed for the Ticonderoga. Harm began to shift his plane to go back and take out the people who shot at them. He was flying over when all of a sudden his fuel tank was hit.

"Skates where have we been hit?"

"Fuel tank sir. We are leaking bad!" she looked back behind them and became very frightened. "Harm we have to eject!"

"No, not yet!" Harm moved the plane and began to fire on the people below. "Take this you jerks." he said as he released his missile.

"Harm we have to go now!" Skates screamed.

"Fine. Mayday, mayday. This is Batman 1 we are going down. Repeat we are going down." he took a deep breath. "Okay here we go. Eject, eject!" as he yelled he pulled the eject button and they both shot out of the plane. Once he hit the ground and became unconscious. Skates began to run and tried to find a way to Harm. If only she know he was only feet away.

A/N- Here is a longer chapter ...hope you enjoy and please review. I know it is getting a little worrisome, but I promise it will get....well will it get better or worse.....I guess you will have to find out. (evil laugh)


	6. Hello Mr Rabb

A/N- Sorry it took a little while....here is another chapter....enjoy!

-Somewhere in Iraq-

Harm awoke in a cold small, dark, and damp room. He sat up and opened his eyes. It was pitch black and there was only a crack of light coming in from under the door. His head was killing him from his landing. He felt around trying to get associated with his surroundings. He felt a wall a few feet away. 'It's brick and it has dirt floor, at least that is what it feels like.' he thought. There was a twist of a lock and the door swung open. He tried to back himself into what he assumed was the corner of the room. Harm squinted, as his eyes were not adjusted to the light.

"Hello Mr. Rabb" whispered a deep, hard voice.

Harm shook all over, something in that voice frightened him.

"How are we doing?" the man walked over and sat in a chair. He left the door open, but Harm couldn't escape, because there was a large guard standing in front of it. "You see Mr. Rabb; if it wasn't for me you might have been killed. You never know what you might run into in the woods. Especially when you are all alone." the man chuckled.

'So they didn't find Skates, or did they and they just want to save it and use her for leverage later on. Oh, God please let her be safe.' Harm thought as he stared at the face of the man who wanted to condemn him. The man was dark skinned, defiantly Arab, medium height, dark hair, and a thick accent. 'That's it!' he thought. Harm realized why this man scared him so much. He was just like Sadik Fahd.

"Now Mr. Rabb, I only have a few questions for you." He leaned forward in his chair and folded his hands. "Where is Sadik Fahd?"

'This man has got to be kidding. He has to know that Fahd is dead. Mac shot him about a year ago. How could he not know?' Harm began to wonder how this man could not know. "He is dead." he said confidently.

"No, I don't believe he is. I think you are lying to me, and let me tell you Mr. Rabb, you don't want to lie to me. Now tell me where Fhad is." he hissed through clenched teeth.

"I am telling you he is dead. Even if he wasn't why ask me? I never met the guy."

"Then how are you so sure he is dead?"

"I just know. He is a terrorist everyone knows when one is killed."

The man walked right in front of Harm. "Wrong answer Mr. Rabb." he snapped his fingers and two huge men barged in and grabbed Harm. He tried desperately to try and wiggle free, but he was weak and the men just hit him every time he tried.

-Mac's apartment-0200

Mac lay awake in bed. She couldn't sleep all she could think of was the last time she had seen Harm. She kept repeating the scene in her head. He had said I love you. The one thing she had been waiting so long to hear from him. It had been 5 days since she had checked her e-mail and found nothing from him. She was worried about him and couldn't sleep, so she got up and went into the kitchen to make herself some tea. She was about to sit down and drink her tea when there was a knock at her door. She looked at her watch. "Who in the world could it be at this hour?" Mac walked to the door and looked out the peephole. Mac quickly unlocked the door. "Mrs. Burnett, what are you doing here at 2:00 in the morning?" She had only met Harm's mother once and it was only because something bad had happened to him.

"Call me Trish, Mac." she sighed. "Can I come in?"

"Oh sure, sorry about that." Mac noticed that Trish looked tired and depressed. Trish walked into the living room. Trish was nervous and she slowly sat down on the couch and looked into Mac's worried face. "Trish what is wrong?"

Trish sighed "Sit down Sarah."

A/N- I love being evil....don't worry there are not as many cliff hangers after this...well at least I think not....LOl....muhahahah.....please review.:)


	7. From Bad to Worse

A/N- sorry about the long wait, but I went out of town and then we couldn't update....Wahhhh!LOL. Here is the next section. Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I didn't have one at the beginning, so here is one for the whole thing.(clears throat) I unfortunately do not own JAG and if I did Harm and Mac would have been together for a long time now. The show belongs to DPB and Paramount. Thanks.

Mac walked over and cautiously sat down next to Trish. Trish looked into Sarah's eyes and could see how much she loved her son. Harm had always talked about Mac, even when they were not dating. He had just recently talked to him and he told her that when he got back he would be proposing to Sarah. Trish, of course, was ecstatic to hear the great news. She had no idea that just a week later she would be telling his, what would have been fiancé, what she was about to tell her. Trish took a deep breath and began. "Have you heard from Harm lately?" she asked. Mac shook her head and stared nervously at her. "I don't know how to tell you this Mac," she looked down at her hands "but Harm.....he is ......well, he is missing Mac." Mac sat in shock and in denial. She didn't understand how this could be happening to her, to them. They had gotten so far and now they may never go any farther. She stood up and crossed her arms.

"MIA, has anyone looked for him?" she stated rather calmly.

Trish was taken aback by her ability to control her emotions. Even though Mac wasn't showing it Trish knew that inside her heart was crumbling. "Yes, they have looked for him." she stood up and touched her arm. "Sarah I am so sorry." Mac jerked away.

"Why would you feel sorry for me? You just lost your son." she began to pace the living room.

"I did not lose my son Mac. Don't give up on him now, he needs you." Trish walked over to the young women. She could see why Harm had loved her so. She was his complete opposite, well in most aspects.

Mac turned to face her. "Trish he is missing in Iraq. To me he is dead." with that Mac calmly turned around, went into her room and slammed the door shut.

Trish walked back to the couch and crashed down upon it. She knew this was hard on Mac, heck it was horrible for her too. Her son was missing in action for goodness sake. She only wished she could get Mac to believe that Harm would make it, and then maybe she would to.

-2 weeks later- Somewhere in Iraq

"Ugghh, ohhh." Harm fell to the floor. He didn't know how much more of this torture he could take. He knew he was trained to handle torture, but this was beginning to be too much. They would beat him to break, and then they would inject him with some type of hallucinogenic drug. It would cause him to fall asleep, which wouldn't have been so bad if it was not for the dreams or hallucinations, whatever you wanted to call them. Oh, those dreams, those horrible dreams. They seemed so real, although he knew they weren't. He hated falling asleep, knowing she would be there, at least as real as she could be. He would see everyone who ever meant anything to him, his friends and family, everything that they had been taken away from him. He didn't know how long he had been there; the drugs had really messed with his mind. Harm crawled over to the small mattress in the corner of the room, and gently lay down on it. He shut his eyes and let the drugs take over, knowing he couldn't fight them any longer. There she was like always, beautiful, calm, and as real as life itself. They were sitting on the couch in his apartment.

_"Mac I love you." She scooted closer, and held him in her arms. It felt so real to him. He could feel her soft body, her warmth, and he could even smell the perfume he had given her several Christmases ago. Harm began to cry, and she gently comforted him. He wanted her to be real, but he knew she wasn't. She began to get up, and he looked up at her. He knew very well what was to come next. She would leave him, alone, hurting, and scared. "Sarah don't leave me. I need you. Please, stop Sarah stop!" he screamed. No matter how loud he screamed or how long he pleaded with her she would still leave. He knew that, that is why he despised the dreams so much. She was given back to him, only for a moment, and then ripped away from him again._

There was a large crash, which brought him out of his dream. He opened he eyes and had to squint because of a bright light. Someone walked over and quickly grabbed him tightly. 'Oh no, not again.' he thought. He didn't have the energy to fight, if they wanted to kill him so be it. The drugs quickly took over him again and he was lost into a fitful sleep. Where he was going he didn't know would he be okay? That too was also unknown.

A/N- Since it is Thanksgiving I will be loving and not end there. Here is some more to wet your appetites.:)

-3 days later- JAG HQ

"Yes, are you sure? Okay I will thank you. Yes sir. Goodbye." Admiral A.J. Chegwidden hung his phone up and slumped into his chair. 'How do I tell her?' he thought. 'This just can't be, it is impossible, not him. He is Superman.' AJ leaned forward and pushed the intercom button. "Coates get me Mackenzie, ASAP."

"Yes sir." she responded crisply.

He sat back in his chair and stared out his window to the fall sky. There was a knock at the door which brought him out of his reverie. "Enter." he said confidently, although he did not feel that way. Mac came in and shut the door behind her.

"Sir you requested to see me." she stood at attention.

He took a deep breath. Where did he start? "At ease Colonel." she relaxed and he continued. "Colonel I have some news about Commander Rabb." Mac stepped forward wearily and eagerly waiting to hear the news. "Mac," he sighed, God this was killing him.

"Sir?" he voice cracked. Him calling her be her name was not a good sign.

"He is ......he is gone Sarah, dead." He couldn't believe that he had just said that Harm was dead.

"What?' she asked confused. "How, when, did they find a body?" she had so many emotions and questions running through her head.

"Yesterday, there was a fire where he was being held. There is a body. They knew it was him by DNA evidence. I am so sorry Mac." He slowly walked towards her.

She couldn't handle this right now, so her mind just denied it. "No! No! No! It's not true. It's not, it just can't be." she was yelling louder.

"Sarah it is." he touched her arm.

"No!" she cried, jerked around and ran out of his office. She didn't know what came over her, but she had to run, she had to get away. She ran across the bull pen, down the stairs, and out of the building. Somewhere along the way she lost her shoes, but she didn't care. She ran towards the park only a few feet away from the office. There was hardly anyone around at this time of day. She kept running until she felt nauseous. She stopped behind a tree, and lost all of her breakfast and lunch. She looked up and there was no one around. Another wave of sickness hit her and she felt like she was trying to throw out all of the emotions she was feeling. She stopped and looked up to see the Admiral standing a few feet away. She ran her hands through her hair and leaned over. He walked cautiously towards her.

"Tell me Mac, no one else would know. It is just me, AJ, not your superior, your friend." he said gently.

She began to cry "Why him, why not me? Why now?" she was pacing back and forth growing angry at herself, at everything. AJ was surprised to see the normally all together Marine begin to lose control. "He has been on so many missions and he has never been killed. He promised me that he would come back to me. We told each other that we loved one another. He said he loved me. Oh god how can he be gone? I just don't understand!" she slid down a tree as she steadily sobbed. The Admiral carefully picked her up and carried her to a nearby bench. He had never heard such heart wrenching cries. They were full of hate, betrayal, love, pain, and so much more. He had heard his little girl cry and scream when she was little and that was painful enough, but this was ten times worse. He would never be able to explain what it felt like to hear her cry, even if his heart wasn't already broken it would have been then. "He promised me we would have babies together. I miss him, I need him." he gently rocked her back and forth. Soothing her like he would his own daughter when she had been little.

"I know, I miss him too." For the first time in years a couple of tears rolled down the old SEAL's cheeks, proving that he was human. He sat with her for a long time, until he took her home and put her to bed. Now all he had to do was to notify Harm's mother. How would she take it?

A/N- (sniffles) I know. You hate me, but pleas stick with me.  Please review. I love all feedback. Nothing too negative though, please. I can handle polite criticism and help.


	8. What About His Stuff?

A/N- I am not going to disclose any information on my story. I love being evil...LOL...it is so much fun! Well here is the next chapter...by the way I really appreciate all the reviews. BTW froggy3019...how do I get one of those chocolate Harms?LOL.

-Mac's apratment-1835

Mac was sleeping soundly and the Admiral had just gotten off of the phone with Harm's mother. She had taken it just like he had expected, not well. Once AJ had told her she began to cry, so Frank got on the phone to finish talking to the Admiral. AJ apologized for not being able to tell them in person. He had only had to tell one other family that their son was dead; it had been just as horrible then. No one could quite understand what it was like having to tell a family that their son wasn't coming home. Frank said there was no need to apologize and that he and Trish would be on the first flight out to D.C. AJ could hear the emotion in the man's voice. Harm may not have been his biological son, but he could tell that Frank had thought of him as his own. The Admiral sat in Mac's living room pondering how hard this would be for her. He never realized how much she loved Harm. For so many years she had hidden her love for him. He had seen the worried looks when Harm went flying, how she wouldn't give up when he was missing at sea, but once they came back from Paraguay that had all dissipated. He just assumed that they, the staff, had seen something that wasn't there, yet now their assumptions were confirmed. AJ began to worry that she would turn to the bottle to wash away her problems, so he knew he had to keep an extra eye on her or she would. He again began to feel bad for Harm's mother. She had lost her husband and now here son to the same evil. How much more could this woman endure? AJ's mind began to wander to the events of the day, and how he had never seen Mac loose her composure, at least not like that. He sighed; he was exhausted physically and emotionally. He had loved Harm like a son, and now he was gone. AJ stretched he legs out on the sofa and laid he head down allowing sleep to wash over him. He had to keep up his strength; he needed to be there for Mac and the staff. The staff, he hadn't even told Bud and Harriet yet. Oh how upset they would be, and Coates, what about Mattie? They would all find out tomorrow. If he thought today was ruff he could only imagine how hard tomorrow would be.

-Mac's apartment-1030

It was Friday morning and Trish and Frank were already there. Apparently they had caught a flight that night. AJ had decided that he would gather the staff that morning and tell them. He would allow Jennifer Coates to tell Mattie, since he did not know how to tell her. Mac had just woken up and walked into the kitchen to find Frank making breakfast. She was surprised to see him, but then again she knew that the Admiral said he would call them. Frank looked up at her and gave her a small kind, warm smile. She looked just like her picture, and exactly how Harm had described her, he thought. "Good morning." he said softly.

She gave him a small smile. "Morning, I am Sa..." she started to say her name, but he stopped her.

"You're Sarah Mackenzie, but your friends call you Mac. You are in the Marine Corps, and work at JAG. Shall I continue?" he smiled. He saw her eyes twinkle for a second then it was gone. She shook her head and looked down at her feet. He looked down at the eggs he was making. "Would you like some breakfast?"

She again shook her head. "No thank you."

"I'm Frank by the way."

"I know who you are." Again there was a still silence. "So you know where the Admiral is?"

He looked up at her. "Yeah, he is in your office on the phone." she scraped the eggs onto three plates. He picked up a plate and a fork. "You need to eat something, and I won't take no for an answer." She smiled and took the plate.

"Yes I understand, thank you." AJ hung up the phone and walked over to Mac. He placed his hand on her arm. "They have completely identified the body, it is Harm's. They are shipping it here. It should be about two days until it gets here." Mac nodded. "They need to know where to send it."

Mac sighed "Tell them to.."

"To send it to Arlington." came a quiet voice. They all turned to see Trish standing in the doorway to the kitchen. "My husband never received a military funeral, but my son will." she stood there with a determined look on her face. AJ nodded and began to get his things together.

"I will inform them of your decision. The military will handle most of it, but there will be some stuff they will ask you for." Trish nodded. "Well I am going to go inform the staff."

Mac stepped forward "I will call his old squadron. They will want to know."

"They already do." AJ whispered.

"How?" she asked.

"I called them last night. They are in port for a while and are coming to the funeral once we set a date."

"Okay thanks." Mac looked down at her feet. "Do they have his stuff?" she asked quietly.

"Yes Keeter is bringing it to the funeral." he sighed seeing the pain in her eyes. What hurt him the most was seeing the look of defeat on the normally stoic face. She was never going to be the same, never. "Well I should go. I will be by later." He patted Mac gently on her shoulder.

"Thanks." she said in a quieted voice. He smiled, grabbed his coat, and left. Mac turned to face Trish and Frank. "I am going to go get a bath. Please make yourselves at home." She turned to get a bath.

"Sarah." Mac turned around and looked into what she could have sworn was Harm's eyes. She could see all the emotions of the women standing in front of her, just like she could Harm's. "He loved you with all he had, just so you know, he always did." Mac hugged the older women.

"Not like he loved you." she whispered and left before they could see the tears in her eyes. She knew that Harm loved her, but hearing it from someone else just made what she was knew was true in her heart true in reality.

A/N- here is another chapter. Hope you enjoy! Please review! Thanks.:)


	9. Dress Blues and Tears

A/N- Please no torture tools! I am writing as fast as I can. Here is another chapter. Hope you enjoy! I know that the Admiral might have seemed a little out of character in the last chapter, but what do you do with a women who just lost the man she loved and is crying hysterically? I don't know what he would have done on the show, but if I had been her I would have wanted him to do what he did. Just to clarify some stuff. ON with the show!

-3 days later-Mac's apartment-

Mac stood in front of her mirror looking at the women in front of her. It was not the women she used to know. Where had she gone? She knew exactly where she was; she was gone. The minute the Admiral told her that Harm was gone was the minute the old Mac left with him. She breathed unsteadily trying to hold back the tears that threatened to flow. She thought back to the evening when the whole JAG staff came by and gave her their condolences. They had all been crying that evening, except for her. She felt as though she had to be strong for everyone else. After they left she went to her room and cried herself to sleep. That same evening she had held little AJ as he sobbed. The only part that he understood was that "Unca Harm" was in Heaven with his little sister, and that he was not coming back. While Mac had been soothing him she thought back to the deal she and Harm had made. Oh how she wished that she could have given him a baby, even if he was not there to help her take care of it at least she would have had someone to remind her of him. But then again she was glad she hadn't, for the child's sake, he or she would have grown up without a father and practically only half of a mother.

Coates had told Mattie about Harm, and she was devastated. Mac expected Mattie to talk to Jen about her feelings, but on the contrary Mattie came rushing into Mac's apartment and when she hit Mac's arms she began to sob. Mac didn't quite know what to do, but her bottled up motherly instincts took over. She soothed the teenager as best she could. When Mac took Mattie home the next day she found Jen crying on her bed.

"Jen honey what's wrong?" Mac asked soothingly.

"Everything mam, nothing is right anymore. I just lost the man who was practically my father, Mattie will be going home to her real dad soon, and I hurt so much for you mam." Jen managed to say all this while tears steadily flowed. Mac was taken a back. Why was Jen hurting for her? She had never had anyone like that other than Harm and the Admiral.

"Jen why are you hurting for me?" she sat next to her on the bed.

Jen looked into her eyes "Because you just lost the only man you have ever loved, mam. That and I know you feel like you have to be strong for everyone, and that is wrong. We are the ones who need to be strong for you." Mac wrapped her arms around the young girl and tried to soothe her. She had never realized what kind of women Jen really was.

Mac wiped away the few tears that streamed down her face. Today was the day of the funeral, and she was trying to maintain composure. There was a soft knock at her door and she slowly opened it to see Trish standing there.

"You look nice."

Mac looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing her dress uniform and had her cover in her hand. "Thank you."

"Harm always said that you were the sexiest Marine in the corps, especially in your blues. He was right, you are very beautiful." Trish told her. "We have to leave now." Trish walked up beside Mac and brushed away a few loose pieces of hair. They had grown very close in the last few days. Loosing someone so close to the both of them brought them together.

"I know." Trish took Mac's hand

"We can do this, together." Mac nodded and they left.

A/N- I have only been to one military funeral, so I am not sure if this is all correct. If you are in the military please take no offense, I mean no disrespect. Thanks

-Arlington Symetary-1200-

Mac, Trish, Frank, Mattie, and Harriet were all sitting on the front row. Mac looked around; there had to be over 75 people there. So many people were touched by this man's life. They began to play "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes as the casket was being brought up the small hill. Sturgis, Bud, Keeter, the Admiral, Admiral Boone, and Sergei were the pallbearers. They placed the casket on its stand. "Forward march, position." called out Keeter. Mac smiled thinking how much Harm would love to see Keeter acting all serious. Sturgis's father was doing the ceremony at the request of the Admiral. Once he finished his sermon and the men were back up there for the flag folding ceremony. The trumpet player stepped forward and began to play Taps. Mac looked over and saw Trish crying.

"Atent hut." AJ ordered. With that all of the military stood to attention; Mac also stood. "21 salute." All of them snapped to a crisp salute. Everyone looked at Mac as she stood at attention with her sharpest salute. The 21 gun salute began.

"Fire." called their leader.

With every fire more tears rolled down Mac's cheeks. After the last shot the flag was finished being folded, and his wings pinned on. "At ease." They released their salute, and sat down. The bagpipes began to play again as AJ handed the folded flag to Trish. She was crying harder now as she fingered the gold wings on the flag. "Mam I would like to say on behalf of the U.S.Navy we appreciate what your son did for his country, and he will be genuinely missed." Trish looked into his eyes and mouthed 'thank you'. Keeter then broke out of line and brought Mac a large mahogany box. It has Harm's name and rank engraved in it. She took it with trembling hands.

"It is all of his belongings that he had on bored. He said that if something was to happen to him that they should be given to you." Tears steadily rolled down her cheeks.

"Thank you." she whispered.

He squatted down, hugged her, and then kissed her gently on the lips. "My honor, and the kiss, Harm said to make sure that I kiss you for him." He marched back into line and they all saluted, and then went to their seats. After everyone had said their goodbyes and condolences they began to leave. Most in tears for their lost friend and the ones he left behind. Mac talked to Sergei for a little while. He said that when the Admiral had informed him of his brother's death he immediately told his superior, who gave him permission to come to the funeral. They said their goodbyes, and then Mac was left standing by the casket alone. She was standing there when she saw someone out of the corner of her eye. She turned and saw him, or at least she thought it was him. She turned to tell Trish, but when she looked back he was gone. 'God I miss him so much, that I am seeing him.' she thought. She rubbed her hand over the smooth wood. "I love you." she muttered barely above a whisper. "Goodbye." she turned and walked away, her heart breaking into a million pieces. It finally dawned on her; he was gone for good.


	10. Hearing Him, and Seeing Him

A/N- WOW! I am glad you all are liking it so far. I am going to try and update quickly, but I can't promise anything, because I have midterms and finals coming up. Enjoy!

-4 days later- Mac's apartment-

Mac sat on her bed staring at the wooden box. She had yet to open it. The past four days had been an emotional rollercoaster. One day she would just cry the next she wouldn't do anything. Harriet had stopped by to check on her the other day, and kept insisting that Mac eat something.

-Flashback-

"Harriet I am fine." she insisted.

"No Mac your not." she said with growing anger. She knew how stubborn Mac could be sometimes, but she was being worse than her kids.

"Harriet I am not hungry or tired, so don't tell me what I am." Mac couldn't believe she was arguing with Harriet of all people, one of her closest friends.

"Mac if Harm were here he would want you to eat something. Now please just eat a little."

"If Harm were here I would eat, because" she stopped and tried to fight away the tears. She didn't want anyone to see her cry, because when you cry you are vulnerable, and when you are vulnerable then people can hurt you. "Because everything would be different if he were here." she turned around and ran to her room. When she hit her bed the dam broke. She let all of her tears out that she had been holding in. No one had ever expected her to be so emotional, including herself, but when Harm died so did she. Yes they were not married, but they were in love, and most of all they were best friends, confidants. There was a knock at her door, and she chose to ignore it. Harriet walked in silently and when she saw Mac crying her heart broke for her friend. She walked over and sat down next to her on the bed. Harriet began rubbing circles with her palm on Mac's back.

"Sarah I am sorry. You're right I don't know what it is like, and I know that things would be different if Harm was here, but..." she paused "but he is not here, so you need to eat, please."

Mac looked into the eyes of her friend and saw the care and compassion she had. "Okay."

-End of Flashback-

Mac had not had the courage to open the box, but now it was time. She took a deep breath and slowly opened the lid. She smiled as she saw a picture of her and Harm. It was a photo of them at the JAGathon. They looked so happy and content. She laid the picture aside and moved on to the next item, which were all the letters and e-mails she had sent him while he was away. She couldn't believe that he had kept them, they were something she would have assumed he would have just thrown away, but then again obviously they meant something to him. She laid those aside with the picture and looked back into the box. There were tapes and a hand held tape recorder. She smiled and put one in the recorder and pushed play.

_"Hey Mac. How are you doing? I know how much I enjoyed getting tapes from my dad, so I figured I would make some for you."_ he laughed and some tears streamed down her face at the sound of his voice._ "Well it has been crazy around here lately. I have been flying at all hours of the night. Every time I go up I always have my good luck charm with me in my right breast pocket. Bet you can't guess what it is?"_ Mac laughed at his teasing tone. _"See I was right you can't guess." he laughed. "Sorry, we don't get a lot of entertainment here. Anyways it is a picture of you. That's right you. I keep it right next to my heart." she smiled and then she heard some muffled noise coming from the background. "Listen Sarah I have to go, we are about to fly a mission. I hate to make this short, but just know I love you and will see you soon."_ she stopped the tape and lay back onto her bed. Tears fell down the side of her face and gently hit her pillow. She wasn't sobbing, just crying small tears for the man who she wished was there to comfort her, and take her pain away. 'I am a marine. I should be able to handle this. I was trained to handle loss of someone in combat. Why can't I just accept it and move on? Come on marine you can do it. All you have to do is finish going through the box and then you can go to sleep.

She wiped her face and reached in the box and removed his clothes; a flight suit, a shirt, a sweatshirt, and some sweatpants. His uniforms had been given to his mother. She picked up the t-shirt and smelled it. It smelled like him. She laid them aside and looked once more inside the box. There was a small black velvet box beneath them with a note attached.

_Dearest Sarah,_

_If I don't come back then you are reading this. I had planned on asking you to marry me when I returned, but fate sometimes has a mind of its own. I do want to ask you to wear my ring, not as an engagement ring, but as a friendship ring. Something you can remember me by. I love you Sarah, I always have, and I always will. I should have asked you sooner, but I was stupid and didn't have the courage. I am truly sorry. Please forgive me._

_Always my love,_

_Harm_

Mac opened the small box, and inside was the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. She slipped it on her left ring finger. It fit perfectly. She smiled, even though she knew she would most likely marry one day she didn't see any hurt in wearing the ring for a little while. She finished going through the box, most of what was left were your usual belongings. She placed the picture on her nightstand, took a shower, changed into his sweatpants and shirt, and went to bed. With his picture in front of her, his ring on her finger, and his smell around her she gladly welcomed sleep. That night she had wonderful dreams and never wanted it to end. Unfortunately the world is cruel; and so all good things must come to end, so her dreams and peaceful rest was soon awoken by the real world.

-1 week later- Harm's apartment-

Mac flipped on the light. She stood in the doorway looking in. 'How can I do this? How can I even begin to do this? I know I am a marine, trained to handle anything, but they do not train you for this.' she thought to herself. Just then a soft hand touched her shoulder. She looked back at Trish's soft face. Frank was also with her and he gave Mac a small encouraging smile. "Come on Mac, we can do this." Mac nodded at Trish

A couple of hours had gone by and Mac was sitting at the kitchen island going through his law books seeing if she wanted to keep them. Trish walked in and sat next to her. Mac looked over at her. "We found this." she looked in Mac's eyes "It was written to you."

Mac took it and fingered the envelope. She sat staring at it as if it would open on its own. Trish began to leave once Mac had opened the letter. Mac grabbed her arm "Please, stay." she looked at her with pleading eyes. Trish nodded and sat back down. Mac began to read out loud

_"Dear Mac,_

_You said I am leaving you, but that is not true. I will always be with you marine." _she stopped and smiled at him calling her one of their pet names. _"I would never leave you; I care too much for you to do that. Mac no matter if we get any closer you are and always will be my best friend. I hope to see you soon Ninja girl._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Harm (A.K.A- Flyboy)_

She had to laugh a little at the end. She looked up and out of his kitchen window and there he was staring right at her. She stood up and ran to the fire escape. It began to lightening and thunder. She looked around and didn't see him. "Harm!" she called out over the storm, no response. She thought she saw someone moving in the shadows. She ran down the stairs as the rain began to fall around her. "Harm!" she called out again, still nothing. She stood there allowing the rain to continue to drown her in her loneliness. All of a sudden she didn't feel the rain anymore, which caused her to look over and see Frank standing beside her with an umbrella over both of them.

"Come inside Mac you're getting soaked. Let's go."

"I saw him Frank. I swear I did."

He didn't respond he just gently ushered her back towards the apartment. 'I saw him. Didn't I? I know I did. I had to. Maybe it was just my mind playing games on me? Maybe I am going crazy? Maybe I don't know anymore. All I know is that I miss him, and I need him.' Right then a thought occurred to her. One that had occurred many times before, but she had never followed through with it. Maybe tonight would be different?

A/N- Ahhhh yes, another cliff hanger. What will Mac do? Well I guess you will have to wait and see. (Laughing evilly)


	11. Some Relief

A/N- Wow! I thought my story was a little sad, but I didn't know that I had made it that sad. I really appreciate all the reviews. It makes all the typing and checking that much easier. Here is another chapter. Enjoy!

-Mac's car- 2338

Mac sat in her car as the rain lightly hit her windshield and then raced to the bottom. She sat there and let her thoughts wonder away from her. It had been two months since Harm had been killed, to her it seemed like it happened yesterday. She never slept well anymore, couldn't or wouldn't eat; she could barely function without him. Her coworkers had noticed it too. She was always quiet, reserved, and sometimes short tempered. They had tried everything in their power to help their friend recover, but it seemed like it was an impossible task. She truly appreciated their efforts, but there was nothing anyone could do or say that would make her feel better. Unlike most times she did not feel guilty for Harm's death; she realized that she honestly had no control over it. The only way she could assume she was guilty was that he had dated her. Just like he had said all of her boyfriends and husbands are dead or wish they were. Now she had another one to add to her list. She sat and pondered the meaning of life. 'Why go on?' she questioned. 'Why continue on with life?' at that moment she saw all of her coworkers, they were not just coworkers, they were her friends, they were the only people she had left in the world.

They, like many people, knew she would take this hard, but none expected it to be as bad as it had become. Unfortunately they had no idea of the love that had grown between the two people. Harm and Mac had never had a serious relationship, but they did not need, and more than that they couldn't have one since he was overseas. Sure they had learned knew things about each other while he was away, but mostly they just cleared the air and became closer, and more in love.

She turned her car off and got out. She walker slowly towards the door, it was almost like the door was pulling her to it and she did not have the strength to resist. She opened as if behind that door lay something forbidden; and in a way that was so. She sat down on a wooden stool and laid her hands on the cold marble.

"Why hello Mac." There was a small round man with read hair and cheery cheeks standing behind the counter. "I haven't seen you in such a long time. Would you like your usual?" he asked with his thick Irish accent.

"No." she said, no emotion present in her usually determined voice. "Vodka, I would like a glass of Vodka."

"Now Mac, I thought you were trying to sta..."

She held up her hand to end his protests. "Just give it to me." He stood staring at her. "I need it." Finally the man sighed and gave in. He grabbed a glass and filled it with what she had requested. Mac picked up the crystal glass and stared at it for a minute as if she was daring it to tell her "no". She slowly put it to her lips, tipped it back, and allowed the cool liquid to flow through her veins. With each sip she took, it slowly took her pain with it.

-1 month later- Mac's apartment-

Mac unlocked her apartment door and slowly walked in. She laid her briefcase on the floor and turned on the lights. She hung up her coat and cover, and then walked towards her living room window. She would always talk to him at night, and for some reason looking at the stars made her feel closer to him.

She sighed, today had been a day from you know where. She had lost her case in court, had been assigned a new partner, who had no clue what they were doing, and she had dropped a whole stack of files on her way to her office. She went into her kitchen to pore herself a glass of Vodka. Lately she had done what she had feared she would. She turned to the bottle for comfort. Mac was glad it was the weekend; she could get drunk and forget about her sorrows. Drinking had become a regular thing. Every evening she would drink at least two glasses of whatever alcoholic beverage she had around. She hated herself for doing it, but to her without Harm around to comfort her, she needed it, she needed the relief. Not feeling hungry Mac decided to skip dinner and go straight to bed. She walked to her bedroom, and went in. She was about to turn on the light when some movement from the corner of her eye caught her attention. She went to turn on the lights, but that shadow she had seen move talked.

"Leave the lights off." came the soft, but firm voice. Shivers went down Mac's spine and the hairs on her neck stood up.

"Who's there?"

A/N- hate to leave it there, well not really.LOL. Who is it? Is Mac going to make it? We will see. Please review, I always love getting them.


	12. What Happened?

A/N- Sorry about the proof reading problems. I am in high school, so getting these chapters out is hard enough. LOL. Here is another chapter. I hope you enjoy. BTW some of you said you were surprised that Mac turned to alcohol, but I figured that if a stalker caused her to turn to it the loss of her boyfriend would defiantly push her over the edge. ENJOY!

"Who's there?" she questioned. She stared at the shadow trying to see if she could tell who it was. The shadow was tall and foreboding. They had broad shoulders, and they slowly moved towards her.

"You of all people should know who I am."

The voice sounded so familiar to her, so soothing, she couldn't place it. "Sarah it's me." Right then the lamp on her dresser came on. She gasped.

"Is it you? Is it really you?"

He touched her face gently. She jumped as if his touch burned her skin. Her muscles were tense, and she finally relaxed. "Yes, it's me." She looked into his beautiful eyes.

"Oh Harm!" she cried and fell into his arms. She sobbed into his chest and he quickly wrapped his arms around her. He walked with her in his arms over to her bed and sat down. She looked up and began to kiss him uncontrollably. She kissed his lips, and then his jaw, neck, and back to his lips. He pushed her back. She looked at him questioningly. She didn't understand, he had been gone for three months, how could he not want this? "What?"

"Mac, I don't want you to do this." she looked down at her hands despairingly. 'Great Rabb, open mouth and insert foot.' He lifted her chin so he could see her eyes. "Sarah that is not what I meant. What I meant was is that we both have so many emotions right now that I don't want you to do this, because you might regret it later. If your, our, feelings for each other are real, then we will be able to wait."

She smiled seductively. There was a fire of desire that burned in her eyes. "Harm I know what I'm feeling and I know what I am doing. I want you, and I am pretty sure that you want me." they sat in silence for a minute. "Harm please say something."

"I love you, and you're right I want you, but I don't just want your body. I want all of you."

She smiled and her heart was beating faster. He wanted her, and not just for her body, but he wanted all of Sarah Mackenzie. "You have all of me." he smiled and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. Her heart was beating wildly. She stopped kissing him and looked into his eyes. She took his hand in hers and put it to her heart. He could feel it beating uncontrollably.

He had a cocky grin on his face "I didn't know I did that to you Miss Mackenzie."

She smiled seductively "Oh but you do so much more." With that they were lost in a world of love, and they were the only ones who existed.

-Mac's apartment- 0600-

Mac slowly opened her eyes, allowing the light from the window to flood her her body in warmth. She smiled and rolled onto her back as memories of the previousnightflashed through her mind. She turned her head expecting to seehim there beside her, but he wasn't. The bed covers didn't look as though they had been messed up, and there was no sign of him. 'No it couldn't have been a dream. I know it was real.' She got out of bed and quickly slid the robe over her body. Her clothes were lying on the floor. 'See proof it was real.' she reassured herself. "Harm." she called out quietly. She began to panic when there was no response. She looked in the bathroom, no Harm. Mac ran into her living room, almost in a panic as there was still no sign of him. "Harm" she called out with fear dripping off of her words. She turned in a circle looking for him, when she faced her living room again he was standing in her kitchen doorway with a spatula in hand, and a confused look upon his face.

"Sarah, sweetie what is wrong?" he questioned kindly. She just stood there frozen. He walked over to her. "Honey tell me." A few tears fell down her face. He didn't know why she was crying, but he still pulled her to him. Her body was shaking. 'What is wrong? What would make her act this way?'

She pulled back and looked at him. "I thought that last night was a dream, and that you were not real."

He brushed away a lock of hair from her face. "Nope you're stuck with me." he said sarcastically. She didn't smile, she just stared at him.

"Thank God." she said softly.

"Come have some breakfast. I made you eggs, toast, and bacon. Sound good?" She nodded and they went to have breakfast together for the first time as a couple.

Later on that evening Harm and Mac were lying on her bed. Mac was lying in his arms watching TV. While he caught up on some of hisreading. She couldn't believe how normal everything seemed. They had spent the day shopping for him some clothes since they had gotten rid of most of them. Harm had toned up over the past few months. He had a very prominent six pack and chest. His back muscles were much thicker and noticeable. She wondered what he had been through in the past few months. He had not brought it up, and she was afraid to mention it for fear of bringing up bad memories. Although if they were going to be a couple they needed to communicate with each other. She decided to be the one to start the conversation. "Harm."

"Hmm." he continued to read.

She rolled her eyes, snatched his book out of his hands and closed it.

"Hey I was reading that." he reached for it and she rolled over and put it on her nightstand.

"I noticed when you didn't answer me."

"Oh pardon me your highness. What were you going to say to such a lowly servant as myself?" he looked at her sarcastically, and chuckled.

"Well I was going to ask you .....What happened to you while you were gone? Why did they say you were gone?"

He sighed. He honestly didn't want to talk about it right then, but she needed to know the truth. "When my plane went down I was captured by a terrorist. He wanted to know where Sadik Fahd was. I told him that he was dead, but he was not satisfied with that answer, so he tortured me for several weeks. Once I had given up any hope of being rescued the CIA came busting in and rescued me. Unfortunately the terrorist got away, and none of his men would cooperate. They feared that if I came back he would try to kill me and anyone who knew me. I couldn't let that happen, so I started to help them look for him, since I knew what he looked like. I had a lot of spare time, so I started working out that way when I came face to face with him I would have no doubts of who would win. We finally caught the man, andthey told me I could go home. First I went to California to see my mom and Frank, and then I came straight here."

She looked at him. What was she supposed to say to that? She knew that it bothered him more than he let on, but she wasn't going to push it. "Harm did you kill him?"

He looked into her sympathetic eyes and slowly nodded his head. He took a deep breath and looked at her. "Yeah I did."

Mac scooted over towards him, wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his bare chest. "I'm sorry; I know what it is like to kill someone that is after you. Harm I ..." she paused. He squeezed hershoulder to encourage her to go on. "I saw you at the funeral, and then outside your apartment."

He smiled warmly. "That's because I was there." he told her as if talking to a small child.

"What...you mean...I...uh...you were?" she stuttered. He put a finger to her lips to silence her.

"I came back to check on you, to make sure you were being taken care of. When I saw how awful you were at the funeral I knew I had no choice. I had to find that man and come back to you." Her eyes became misty.' Curse youhormons' she thought to herself.

"I love you." He said as she touched his face gingerly. "Sarah words can never express how much I love you, nor words show you how much I care. Just know you are mine, I love you, and I will never leave you." he looked deep into her eyes and instantly the wall that had been protecting her soul fell. It shattered into a million pieces, and before him he saw the scared, lonely person, but most of all he saw the heart of a women.

A/N- I can stop here, but I have written more. The rest of it covers some of the highpoints that occur in the next few months of their timeline. I really like itand I think I will post it, but should I make it a sequel, or just tack it on here? It does not have nearly as much angst as these did. Please review I really love them.


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